For those of us who love animals, we know that they hold unique power over our hearts. Their soulful eyes and wagging tails give us the happiest moments in our day, and the greatest years of our lives. They also can fill us with the saddest loss imaginable.
So how do we balance it? How do we enjoy every moment of their lives, of our lives with them, without getting stuck in the spin of worry in our heads?
Would people have still have kids if they knew most of them would not make it past being a teenager? That is the decision you make every time you take in a pet as part of your family.
I’m thinking about this today because tomorrow is my best friend Jaisy’s 13th birthday.
We’ve been together since she was a 16 week old ball of fluff. Thirteen pounds of adorable attitude in my backyard her first day here, proudly standing her ground, barking at anyone who dared enter the gate of her new family home.
My first dog while living on my own was Jenna, who was 12 when Jaisy joined our family. At that time, I worried a lot about life and death and Jenna. She was healthy and happy, but “what if” tends to be the default mode in my brain.
I prayed a lot that she would stay safe, young and vibrant forever. Or at least until we could die of natural causes in our old age together on the same day……… holding hands.
Of course I realized that would either mean she was supernatural or I leave this world young due to unexpected tragedy. Though this did not lessen the frequency or focus strength of these prayers.
I decided to get her a sister so that some day if some thing ever happened to her, and I wasn’t home, she wouldn’t be alone…… Enter Jaisy.
I made a promise to myself that I would not start worrying about Jaisy until there was a reason for it. It hit home when I read somewhere that worrying in anticipation of a feared event merely makes you experience the thing you fear most double – first though the idea of it and then again when it really happens.
Knowing Jenna was 12 years old and just fine helped me formulate the promise. I would completely be present in the enjoyment of every day of Jaisy’s life until she was Jenna’s age, and then I could allow myself to start worrying then.
It felt like a reasonable deal – so far off in the distance that it really did allow me to feel less anxious and just be present in the now with my new puppy.
Fast forward to current day. Jaisy is 12 and tomorrow is her 13th birthday.
I realize nothing catastrophic will thunderbolt out of the sky tomorrow. But that doesn’t lessen the monumental nature of this day in my thoughts.
She is the picture of health and happiness. She still looks like a puppy with black freckles on her white snout, floppy black ears that make her look like she could fly when she runs, and a smile that melts me when she brings me her chewed up frisbee to play indoors. She’s still mentally sharp and strong willed with her adamant demands for breakfast and dinner so consistent I’d swear she can tell time.
She still has to walk/run the perimeter of our backyard every time she goes out for the bathroom to ensure the safety of all who live here. It doesn’t matter how cold or hot it is – it is a task that must be accomplished. Unless it’s raining…. she’s not a fan of the rain.
She still lays across pappa on the couch in the watching the morning news and across mommy during the evening news. We’re both there at both times, but this is her routine and she’s sticking to it.
So there’s no reason tomorrow in her life should be any different than yesterday. But the mind plays tricks.
Might it have been a premonition back then, a mother’s keen sense, and I should be extra careful about things that present themselves this year? Was I given a chance to change direction at some upcoming fork in the road of an unknown potentially dangerous event by making a better informed decision?
Or might I set myself up to create a self-fulfilling prophesy through the negative energy of the worry itself, therefore bringing about the very thing that I am dreading?
Or, more realistically, might I miss out on moments that could have been filled with positive interactions and new cherished memories, if I am preoccupying my conscious awareness with the anxiety of “what if”s?
So at this moment, on her 13th birthday eve, I am going to make myself a new deal. I will re-commit myself to positive mindfulness focusing on the joy that is Jaisy. And not let myself begin to worry until her 18th birthday.
Instead of beginning an eggshell walk tomorrow, I will let myself laugh out loud when we sing “Happy Birthday” to her and watch her open her presents.
The melody of that song gets her so excited because every time she hears it, she gets to rip open wrapping paper to find some cool new treat inside. We now use the happy birthday tune for every holiday with a present – which for pet owners, means every holiday. In the last few months we’ve sung “Happy Thanksgiving to You”, “Happy Christmas to You”, and even “Happy Valentines Day to You”.
Jaisy knows how to live in the moment, to be in the now, to practice mindfulness. She’s a pretty good teacher, my little teenager…..